#67. Participate in a 10k

Participate in a 10k.

10k.

6.2 miles.

I have done at least half a dozen 5k races in my life. Most were fun ones that were more about the experience or the cause (Breast Cancer Foundations) than it was in my personal healthiness or achievements. To be honest, a 10k was not on my radar at all. I have started training for a half marathon in November.  I forgot there was something in between.

The backstory: Not sure if they justify a new entry just yet, so I'm tagging it on to this one.

I am currently on the fifth week of my lifestyle change. I am not calling it a diet because it goes beyond physical health. I am trying to get myself healthy in all aspects: mentally, spiritually, physically, etc. It all started with a "bad night" and me being fed up with how my life was going. I was finally ready in all areas to move forward.

So I started slow. Changing something each day instead of changing something all at once. Consciously making an effort to make wise decisions. I began to really pay attention to myself. Sounds weird but hear me out... I started realizing (with the help of an awesome counselor) that when I eat bad, I feel bad about myself, which causes me to eat more bad things. Thus a viscous cycle of self destruction begins, and that is just with food. Don't get me started on what happens when other things in my life are going bad, which lets just be honest this last year has been crap. So I was feeling pretty horrible about myself.

Yes, I would have good days, but the bad days seemed to outweigh them. I've been down that road, and I don't like it. I know it takes me months, even years, to come back from where I was headed. I was determined not to let the progress I had made over the past 6 months to go in vain.

So one night after this 'bad day,' I decided I had had enough of how I was living. I was tired of making progress and then digressing back to old habits. That night, I stayed up and wrote in my journal about how I was feeling. I wanted to be able to look back and know that was a milestone moment for me. That week, I spent my free time thinking back of all the fad diets, workout plans, etc that I've tried and succeeded/failed at. I tried to think though why I stopped them. Talk about self discovery.

I began to put the pieces together. My natural thing is to be all in or all out. I would be all in and almost fanatic about whatever I was doing at the time. I would try to change everything all at once. Stop everything cold turkey, exhaust myself with changes and overwhelming plans. However, the second I wasn't able to fulfill my 'plan' or I gave in to temptation, I would stop. Thinking I messed it up and I can't start again until the next week. Well that would usually happen on Monday and my self destructive pattern I explained above would kick in. By the next week, I was done. Sometimes it would last a few weeks. But where I would succeed in one area, I suffered in another. Because I was so concerned with working out or eating healthy, I never hung out with friends. Which was good to an extent, but after a while, it was not so good.

All that to say this time I am trying to change how I look at overall health. I have made small changes over the past few weeks. I have tried to remind myself that I'm human and its okay to mess up. But not let that ruin my plan. I just try better the next meal/day. As far as working out, I have a goal to do 20 miles a week. Usually that still allows me to hang out other nights. Just trying to find what works for me, my life, my schedule, my body.

Okay all that to say, that I've planned little things every few weeks to keep me motivated. Whether its buying a new workout shirt, a pedicure, or something as simple as a "cheat day." However, this week, I had a couple of rough days and I felt like I needed an extra push. I happened to drive by Cox hospital on Wednesday and saw the sign for the Girls Just Wanna Run 5k/10k. That evening, when I got home, I did a little research and decided I would do the 10k, if my tips on Thursday would pay for it. Well we were busy on Thursday and the tips paid for it and then some. So Friday, I signed up.

I was so excited last night (Friday night), that I didn't sleep at all. I was nervous I would sleep through the three alarm clocks I sat. I tossed and turned all night. I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve. So excited and nervous for the next day.

When I finally decided I should just get ready if I wasn't going to sleep, I had to remind myself of something:

Even if I came in last place, I have to finish. No giving up. No short cuts. No turning back. Time was not important today. Today was about starting something and having the strength to push myself to finish it.

I am so thankful I decided that before I began. Because the run was both a 5k and 10k, the 10k participants had to run the loop twice. When we were lining up, I felt myself getting sick to my stomach. I was so nervous. Would I be able to finish? 6.2 miles. That is a long way to go.

As we started, there were tons of people going out in front of me. I spent majority of the time speed walking and occasionally jogging. The first loop wasn't so bad. I was still toward the back of the pack. A defining moment came when we turned the last corner, for the 5k portion. I could see the finish line. The group of ladies I was with weren't turning to go back around for the 10k. In fact I didn't see anyone turning. Everyone was finishing now. I looked at my watch. At this point I had been at it for almost 45 minutes. I knew I would have another 45 minutes to finish.

I could have easily switched to the 5k, if I just kept going straight. But I had this voice in my head of you have to finish what you started. I can't go back. I have to finish. I signed up for, and told people, I was doing a 10k. I had to stick to it. So while everyone went straight, I turned down for the second loop around. I had another 3.1 miles to go. I looked at the street a head of me. I saw two ladies about a block ahead of me. And no one behind me. I was going to be last. But I had to keep going.

Since we were the last ones, the cops had stopped blocking traffic and we were walking on sidewalks. It was an odd feeling. Here I was walking on a sidewalk with a race bib looking at people drive by, and wondering what they think of me. I kept 'hearing' them in my head thinking man, she is in last place. She's so slow. Because they didn't know that I was on my second loop. I was doing a 10k.

As we rounded the last corner, I was back at the crossroads where I had made the decision to keep going, I felt overwhelmed with accomplishment. I didn't care how tired or sore my legs were. I was going to run the rest of the two blocks to the finish line. Because of my last little sprint, I wasn't last. I was second to last. But I finished. And I finished strong.

(L) The before race picture. Because I registered late, I have last years t-shirt so the 10k isn't listed. And I don't have a 'real' bib.
(Below) However, my medal says 10k and the date. This is my after race glow. :) 1:36:23 was my time. But I finished.