Changes & Faith

If we don't change, we do not grow. If we do not grow, we aren't really living. 

~Gail Sheehy

Change. It's inevitable. Although I have never been a big fan of change, I am learning, slowly, to adjust to it, because it will always be there. There are times when I think I want things to stay the same, but really, I don't. Because if things were the same, we would never move on. And it has taken me years to realize that concept. I don't know about you, but there are plenty of things in my past that I am glad I have moved on from. Yes, there are relationships and experiences that I wish could last forever. But it would be weird to imagine my life with out the relationships I have in my life now, as a result of moving on from other relationships. 

Thinking about the quote above, makes change seem good because it makes us grow, so that we keep living. What the quote leaves out is that sometimes growing comes with pain. Pain in the process of stretching, forming and molding us in to the people God wants us to be. It can be a painful process to change. 

The past couple of weeks, I have had some great times of self discovery. Times where I realize my ways of thinking for the past 27+ years have been faulted. The concept of change is a great example of faulted logic. Like I stated before, I have never been a big fan of change. But then came the 'ah-ha moment.' 

It's not the actual change I tend not to like. It's the process that I don't like. The steps 'B' through 'Y,' that you have to do in order to get from 'A' to 'Z.' 

Amazing, right. Its the moments of uncertainty of how things are going to turn out, or wondering what friendships will change, that gets me worked up. If I knew what I started out with and what my end product were going to be, I think it may soften the blow of the change. But life doesn't work like that. I can't make a decision and step out and know what is going to happen. That wouldn't be faith. I have to have faith that God is going to work things out for his plan in my life.

That being said, I have had this feeling the past couple of weeks, that my world will look different this time next year. There is a season of change that is coming about in my life, when I look back and things will look very different than they do now. I'm not sure exactly why I feel this way. There isn't any thing in particular that is causing me to think this way, but I do. I can't explain it. 

I would be easier if there were some defining moments coming up that would cause changes in my little world, such as graduations, weddings, etc. But nothing on the horizon. 

When I get the feeling of change, I get overwhelmed because I just have the fear that everyone is moving on with out me and I'll be left standing, alone. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not alone. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for who continue to be there for me, even when I run. And even when I physically don't have anyone, I know God will be there. Have to remind myself of that...

Change is here. And I'll be okay. :)