Retreat Unpacked... part I

Retreat. 

This past weekend was our annual retreat. We drove to Windermere Retreat Center and stayed for 3 days, 2 nights. It was my eighth retreat to go on with our community. I do love retreat. I love the planning and preparation for months leading up to it. The Sam's Club run the day before, packing the van out as much as we can. I love all of it. Except when everything is done. I tend to look back at retreat and wish I had done stuff differently. Every year it is the same things: been more easy going, not let things get to me as much, take time for me, and respond. The last one is huge in my mind, and is the hardest for me. 

My mind goes into 'task' mode while I am planning retreat, and even while I am there. Usually it is not until I get back that I begin to process what happened and fully respond. So this entry is dedicated to just that... response. Now that I have had a week to think and ponder what happened, I just want to take some time to share a few things God is challenging me, encouraging me, etc, so I will have them for the future. :)

(Not in any particular order)

1.) God has a bigger plan for my life, for our lives than we can ever imagine. And just because we think we have it figured out, doesn't mean it will turn out that way. This past weekend, I sat back and observed God orchestrating things in peoples' lives that we as humans could have never put together. But HE knew. These little things that would seem so insignificant to someone lined up meant the world to another. A world of confirmation and hope. I am learning to not take for granted the small things. Because they won't always been small things in the grand scheme of things. 

2.) I am surrounded by some amazing guys. I knew that going into this weekend, but it became even more clear how amazing they are. They have been a 'wall' for me in so many different ways before they were told to step up and be walls. (If you have no clue what I am referring to, please consider reading Cavetime. Great book). These guys have helped me move, with car trouble, computer trouble, etc. You name it and they have probably helped. And most importantly they have shown me what it is like to be treated with respect and love. They are willing to sit and talk for hours, or if I don't feel like talking, just hanging out. I appreciate their presence in my life. As the guys were singing over the ladies this weekend, tears were streaming down my face. These men are my wall. I have no other wall. I was challenged to pray for them, encourage them, respect them and stand by them. They are my friends and my family. 

3.) Going off of number two, I have felt more in the past week a sense of praying for a future spouse, whoever they are. I have to admit I am not the greatest at remember to pray for my spouse because to be honest it is not really at the forefront of my mind. But these days, I think about it more. God is just saying, pray for him. Pray for strength, pray for peace, pray for protection. PRAY. No matter who it is, if I have or haven't met him yet, or where he may be, he still needs prayer. 

4.) Lastly, and probably the hardest challenge I am facing after retreat... letting go of the past so I may move forward, but not letting go of the memories or challenges that gave me strength. I have a great memory. Almost to a fault, I can remember most details people forget. Because of this, going on retreat can been painful for me. The minute I drive on to the campus of the retreat center, the feelings, emotions, etc come racing back. I try so hard to face them, but instead, I tend to run from them. Run from those thoughts of being inadequate, not fun enough, etc. But I have to confront those fears if anything is ever going to change. My challenge is letting go of the past, finishing the chapter. So in turn, I can begin a new chapter of healing, growth, and change built on the previous chapters instead of being stuck. I must move forward.