A Little Treat

Exciting news that I can't keep to myself....

This little gem is delicious. I had heard about it through another blog, but haven't seen it anywhere in Springfield... until last night. Hy-vee had it. :) It's 150 calories per pint, fat free, gluten free and made with 14 grams of whey protein. If you are expecting the taste of ice cream, it won't be identical to it. But for what it is, and how healthy it is, it's not bad tasting.

A New Record

This is probably going to sound crazy, but I have set a record for myself, so I had to share. While this record may seem insignificant, to me it is progress. 

As of today, I have gone the following:

• 10 days without sweet tea

• 7 days without Dr. Pepper (would have been 10, but someone bought me one and I didn't have the heart to say no)

• 7 days without eating fast food (If I eat out, I try to go to a sit down place. If I'm going to eat out, I'm going to make myself 'work' for it.)

I am proud of myself. It is not much to some, but considering this is the longest I've gone with out any of these in my life (with the exception of special trips, etc),  I am stinkin' proud!!!!

I am really trying to continue in this. My goal is 21 days off, one day on, repeat. I will limit myself on that one day. That is if I even want it. So far the only thing I really want is a sweet tea. The rest I don't really crave. So we shall see. 

Small steps... 

Changes & Faith

If we don't change, we do not grow. If we do not grow, we aren't really living. 

~Gail Sheehy

Change. It's inevitable. Although I have never been a big fan of change, I am learning, slowly, to adjust to it, because it will always be there. There are times when I think I want things to stay the same, but really, I don't. Because if things were the same, we would never move on. And it has taken me years to realize that concept. I don't know about you, but there are plenty of things in my past that I am glad I have moved on from. Yes, there are relationships and experiences that I wish could last forever. But it would be weird to imagine my life with out the relationships I have in my life now, as a result of moving on from other relationships. 

Thinking about the quote above, makes change seem good because it makes us grow, so that we keep living. What the quote leaves out is that sometimes growing comes with pain. Pain in the process of stretching, forming and molding us in to the people God wants us to be. It can be a painful process to change. 

The past couple of weeks, I have had some great times of self discovery. Times where I realize my ways of thinking for the past 27+ years have been faulted. The concept of change is a great example of faulted logic. Like I stated before, I have never been a big fan of change. But then came the 'ah-ha moment.' 

It's not the actual change I tend not to like. It's the process that I don't like. The steps 'B' through 'Y,' that you have to do in order to get from 'A' to 'Z.' 

Amazing, right. Its the moments of uncertainty of how things are going to turn out, or wondering what friendships will change, that gets me worked up. If I knew what I started out with and what my end product were going to be, I think it may soften the blow of the change. But life doesn't work like that. I can't make a decision and step out and know what is going to happen. That wouldn't be faith. I have to have faith that God is going to work things out for his plan in my life.

That being said, I have had this feeling the past couple of weeks, that my world will look different this time next year. There is a season of change that is coming about in my life, when I look back and things will look very different than they do now. I'm not sure exactly why I feel this way. There isn't any thing in particular that is causing me to think this way, but I do. I can't explain it. 

I would be easier if there were some defining moments coming up that would cause changes in my little world, such as graduations, weddings, etc. But nothing on the horizon. 

When I get the feeling of change, I get overwhelmed because I just have the fear that everyone is moving on with out me and I'll be left standing, alone. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not alone. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for who continue to be there for me, even when I run. And even when I physically don't have anyone, I know God will be there. Have to remind myself of that...

Change is here. And I'll be okay. :)

Sophisticated Fun: The Opera

Last Wednesday night, I had the privilege to attend an opera premiere night for the Springfield Regional Opera! We had gotten five free tickets at work for donating cupcakes to one of their events. So Courtney, Jeff, Laura, Rachel and I dressed up and went to the opera.

It was a night of firsts for me. I had never been in the Gillioz Theater and I had never been to an opera. I was so excited. Not only do I get to hang out with my awesome coworkers, get dressed up, and have appetizers and beverages, but it was all free for us!

There were about 60-75 people attending the preview night, which was like their final dress rehearsal, in a theater that seated about 1100. So needless to say, it was a little empty. It gave us a different perspective on how a show comes together.

The opera was La Traviata. It was over all decent. But the story was interesting, and very interesting casting for some of the roles.

Seeing it with a group of friends was definitely the way to go. We were able to make it a fun night!

Road Trip: O-H-I-O!

This post is dedicated to Brianne and John. 

They are some of the best people in this world. I could not have asked for a better vacation. I stinkin' love you guys! I appreciate your continued support as I get healthy and for always being there for me. And most importantly, letting me be me, but still challenge me to grow! You guys are the best!

****

It is hard to believe a week ago I was in Ohio. Time flies. It feels like weeks, maybe months ago. Thursday, I had the amazing opportunity to go on a road-trip to Ohio with John to visit our friend Brianne. I write opportunity, because for me, taking time off has always been a struggle. The last trip I took was in December of 2009, and that was a missions trip. I have spent most of the past few years going on 'trips' for church, or taking a couple of days here or there, but always being on call for work in case something was needed. This time, I left town for four days. FOUR days! And I was four wonderful days of relaxation, friends, food, and dogs.

Our trip:
Depart: Springfield, Missouri
Arrive: Perrysburg, Ohio
Total miles: 673 miles

 

(L): St. Louis! (R): Stuck in traffic. Luckily, we didn't hit a lot of backed up traffic. And there was only one accident that we saw, but it was cleared out by the time we go to it.

The trip wasn't so bad, except the nasty bathroom at the gas station.


Random Fact: I make the best road trip person because I can hold my liquids. ha ha. 

I needed coffee to make it through the last leg of the trip. Then I got all hyper because I was gonna see my friend! Tried to contain my excitement... at least until I saw Bri!






We made it! 9.5 hours later! I love Bri!!!


Dinner our first night, Ginos Pizza. It was good. The company made it a great dinner.

This is Annie, one of the dogs Bri was dog sitting. I loved her. She would lay in my lap like this and then snuggle the rest of the time. <3 more pics to come. :)


Below (L): A selfie of me. Had to... ha ha.

Below (R): Friday morning, Bri had to work, so John and I slept in, made coffee, and played scrabble while we waited for her to come home. I won... by a LOT! ;)

Late lunch at Dale's Bar & Grill. It was actually really good. Then on to IKEA in Michigan!!!!

 

The Swedish meatballs and mashed potatoes were amazing! Pie was okay. And I want this (Below)

Meet Annie!!! She was soo adorable! 

Our Family!

 

Saturday, I woke up, took a shower and went downstairs to find breakfast being made. Pancakes, which are my favorite! After that, we headed to Toledo to the Art Museum. I love art museums. Especially the landscapes. I could look at them for hours. When we left, we headed to hang out with Bri's brother! Later, we had dinner at a Mediterranean cafe in Perrysburg. I got Feta Chicken (pictured R). A few hours later, Bri's friends came over and we all went to Mr. Freeze for ice cream. So good. 







Sunday, we decided to skip church, so we could spend time together before we had to leave. So Bri and I ran to Churchill's to get groceries to make lunch. We decided on honey apple chipotle chicken (made at the grocery store, so we just had to bake it), parmesan couscous, asparagus, and fresh bread. It was delicious! And we all helped in preparing, like a little family! 

Our last meal together at the table. The food was sooo good. We did a great job. :)

The good-byes always suck. But the good news is that we will be reunited in May when Bri comes to town. Can't wait! But I did have to say good bye to Annie and the other dogs. :(  

Drive home... beautiful sky! 

The trip! John focused on the road, like he should be. ha ha. We got into Springfield around 11:30pm on Sunday night. Then it was back to work bright and early on Monday morning for me.  

On the drive up and back, we tried to get all 50 states in license plates. We managed to get 32 of the 50. And some in Canada! 


This was one of my favorite trips ever. Bri and John are two of the best people I know and it was so great to be around them for a few days. It was so good to be in an encouraging, yet challenging environment, and relax. 

We spent almost every night in the hot tub. I loved it, especially when the sky was clear and we could see the stars. I could look at the sky all night! Love it! 

When I take my next trip, I will remember this trip and use it for an example. It was the perfect balance of relaxation and doing stuff. 

Doctors, Nerves, & Results, Oh My!

And the story of my wrist continues... 

Last Tuesday, so a week ago, I went for a nerve conduction test on my wrist/arm. I was a nervous wreck because I spent the days leading up to it researching what I would be going through. And just the thought of shocking my nerves does not settle well with me. But I went. Everyone, and I mean everyone, from the receptionist who greeted me when I walked in, to the patient care services where I began my paper work, the the neurologist and assistant I met with during my test were amazing. They were all so nice. I would totally recommend the Ferrell Duncan Clinic. Because of their nice-ness, it was relaxing and my anxiety went away. 

So after only waiting in the department of neurology waiting area for about 5 minutes, I was called back. Once in the room, they had me lay on the table with my right arm closest to the machine. And the specialist began to hook up the machine to me. He then put pressure points on my nerves and then shocked them sending little pulses of electricity through them. It then measures how long it takes for the electricity to travel from my elbow to my hand and through the nerve. Over all, it wasn't as bad as I expected. It just felt really weird and my hand was numb after. When the test was over, they said I should receive the results by Friday. 

Thursday, I got the news. It was carpal tunnel. I was relieved that I finally had an answer and knew what was wrong. Sometimes doctors can make me think it was all in head, so it was nice to have a solution. But here is the crappy part, when I called to get an appointment the orthopedist, the soonest he can get me in for a consultation is May 8th. :( That means, I can't even consider surgery or really know what other options I have until then. 

It has been increasingly painful to use my hand, especially at work. When I am out, it isn't at bad, but at work, I have to medicate myself if I bake over 4 batches. (Average day I bake between 6-10 batches.) At night it has become difficult to sleep unless I am aware of where my hand is. I've had to adjust my sleeping position to my back with my hands to my sides. It has taken some getting used to, and I still find myself rolling all over and trying to get comfortable without pain. 

So now, I wait...

Doctor Appointment #1

Can I just say I am not a fan of doctors or urgent care or ERs or anything medical?

Funny part, is that I would love to work in a hospital or do something in the medical field, but when it comes to me being the patient... NO WAY! I hate it.

I went to the doctor on Thursday for my wrist. It has been causing a great deal of pain over the past few months, and whatever I do, doesn't seem to be helping it. So I finally decided it was time.

After waiting about 15 minutes to go back, the nurse takes me in this little office, asks questions, and leaves me to wait for the doctor. The room is tiny, and I could feel myself getting nervous. As the doctor came in, I could tell right away, it wasn't going to be a good visit. He checked my wrist and then proceeded to bend my hand every which way waiting to see how long it took for my fingers to go numb. It was about 30 seconds. After a few more tests, he said he would be sending me on to a neurologist and for further testing.

I don't know about you, but when I hear neurologist, I think bad and expensive. Well, thanks to my insurance, it won't be as expensive, but it will still be 'bad.' The doctor went on to tell me about the nerve conduction test and another test (can't remember the name and I'm too lazy to get my paper work out) they will be doing on me. The tests should be able to tell whether I officially have carpal tunnel.

If it's carpal tunnel, there are steroid injections I can get or if it's really bad, surgery. Both of which, have negatives and positives, mostly negatives, but I am trying to remain positive. The doctor was concerned with my working environment. If it is carpal tunnel, and I get the treatments, he is worried it would come back soon because of the physical aspect of my job. Scooping 1500+ cupcakes a day does not help with any damage. He said it would be like giving someone lap-band surgery and they still continue to eat fast food/same way that got them to be overweight. That was hard to hear. While, I knew it in the back of my mind, it was difficult to hear someone else say it and really let it sink in.

If it is not carpal tunnel, the next test is a diabetes test. And he may decided to give that to me as well. I have a little bit of numbness in my feet and other hand, so he wants to see if it may be because of blood sugar. I am really hoping it is not. But we will see.

The other cause is a thyroid issue. That was one of the ones he didn't really touch on too much, but just mentioned it. I haven't been to the doctor in forever so it's weird having a lot of things thrown at me at once.

However, like I said, I am trying super hard to stay positive and *try* not to over think anything until I get the results back after the test on Tuesday.

I still get scared a bit at the thought of going by myself, but I'm not sure where the line is for asking friends to do that stuff.... but that's for a later entry.

Retreat Unpacked... part I

Retreat. 

This past weekend was our annual retreat. We drove to Windermere Retreat Center and stayed for 3 days, 2 nights. It was my eighth retreat to go on with our community. I do love retreat. I love the planning and preparation for months leading up to it. The Sam's Club run the day before, packing the van out as much as we can. I love all of it. Except when everything is done. I tend to look back at retreat and wish I had done stuff differently. Every year it is the same things: been more easy going, not let things get to me as much, take time for me, and respond. The last one is huge in my mind, and is the hardest for me. 

My mind goes into 'task' mode while I am planning retreat, and even while I am there. Usually it is not until I get back that I begin to process what happened and fully respond. So this entry is dedicated to just that... response. Now that I have had a week to think and ponder what happened, I just want to take some time to share a few things God is challenging me, encouraging me, etc, so I will have them for the future. :)

(Not in any particular order)

1.) God has a bigger plan for my life, for our lives than we can ever imagine. And just because we think we have it figured out, doesn't mean it will turn out that way. This past weekend, I sat back and observed God orchestrating things in peoples' lives that we as humans could have never put together. But HE knew. These little things that would seem so insignificant to someone lined up meant the world to another. A world of confirmation and hope. I am learning to not take for granted the small things. Because they won't always been small things in the grand scheme of things. 

2.) I am surrounded by some amazing guys. I knew that going into this weekend, but it became even more clear how amazing they are. They have been a 'wall' for me in so many different ways before they were told to step up and be walls. (If you have no clue what I am referring to, please consider reading Cavetime. Great book). These guys have helped me move, with car trouble, computer trouble, etc. You name it and they have probably helped. And most importantly they have shown me what it is like to be treated with respect and love. They are willing to sit and talk for hours, or if I don't feel like talking, just hanging out. I appreciate their presence in my life. As the guys were singing over the ladies this weekend, tears were streaming down my face. These men are my wall. I have no other wall. I was challenged to pray for them, encourage them, respect them and stand by them. They are my friends and my family. 

3.) Going off of number two, I have felt more in the past week a sense of praying for a future spouse, whoever they are. I have to admit I am not the greatest at remember to pray for my spouse because to be honest it is not really at the forefront of my mind. But these days, I think about it more. God is just saying, pray for him. Pray for strength, pray for peace, pray for protection. PRAY. No matter who it is, if I have or haven't met him yet, or where he may be, he still needs prayer. 

4.) Lastly, and probably the hardest challenge I am facing after retreat... letting go of the past so I may move forward, but not letting go of the memories or challenges that gave me strength. I have a great memory. Almost to a fault, I can remember most details people forget. Because of this, going on retreat can been painful for me. The minute I drive on to the campus of the retreat center, the feelings, emotions, etc come racing back. I try so hard to face them, but instead, I tend to run from them. Run from those thoughts of being inadequate, not fun enough, etc. But I have to confront those fears if anything is ever going to change. My challenge is letting go of the past, finishing the chapter. So in turn, I can begin a new chapter of healing, growth, and change built on the previous chapters instead of being stuck. I must move forward.